No need for coulda, woulda, shoulda.
There is only now.
Set and hold a boundary today.
Do it as an experiment and notice who gets bent out of shape. Notice how anxious you get and what the internal voice is saying.
A few weeks ago, I set a very difficult boundary with a very important person in my life. I thought that my heart would jump out of my chest. My brain was exploding with thoughts like: You are screwed now. No one will ever love you. You will lose this game, GIVE in, what’s the big deal anyway?
I felt the RED hot anger coming off the other. I felt the insecurity of my inner self. I felt like I was 5 years old again and had just done something wrong and was going to be punished. And I did not give up. I self-soothed in ways I had never self-soothed before. I could not leave the environment in which this exchange had taken place and I was stuck.
You will survive also. Please DO NOT start setting boundaries with the abuser first, you have to practice on people who are not so large and looming in your life.
The question to ask yourself is not what you will lose.
The question is…
What will you gain?
Always on your side,
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