Falling UP!

Have you seen the new show on TV, Domino Masters? If not, give yourself a treat and check it out here: Domino Masters.

I watched the final episode a few nights ago and heard the winning team call themselves “chain reaction artists”. Chain Reaction Artists. Those three words fascinated me, but I did not know why; then I had a dream, and everything floated into place and the sense making started.

What is a chain reaction? It is defined as “a series of events, each caused by the previous one.”

This explains how previous trauma comes back to bite us when we least expect it. The chain reaction that can be set off by previous trauma is usually swift and suddenly we find ourselves in the bottom of a familiar deep, dark, pit.

This is where I found myself a few months ago. I was unable to do simple tasks like make coffee or get something to eat. I did not want to move from my bed or the sofa. I could not stop the tears.

What did I do? I began to chastise myself. I called myself names. I expected my loved ones to call me to say they always knew that I was useless.

Then, I threw out a lifeline. I called a friend and she hopped on a flight and came running. She walked into my apartment and said, “I know you are in bad shape. You always have my favorite food and now you don’t even have milk. Let me take care of you.”

She went to the grocery. She got me food. She made me smile. She made me go for a walk. She never judged.

After a few days, I felt myself falling up out of my dark place. It was interesting that I felt the “falling up” but I did not feel the crashing down.

I only knew I had crashed when I realized I had not moved from the sofa for a whole day. Even then, I did not know how to help myself. Luckily, I have a friend who knows how to help me. Luckily, I reached out. She came, she helped, I healed.

Let’s go back to Domino Masters and chain reaction artistry and how it can be applied to my experience a few weeks ago.

Someone did something a long time ago and someone does/says something in the present moment and we react just like we used to react when we were kids, or young adults, and all of a sudden the chain reaction of we are not worthy, we were never worthy tapes begin to loop in our head.

If there is a person or persons who can make you crash and burn and squirm, I want you to see them as chain reaction bullies. When this happens, know that your prefrontal cortex is offline, and you can only be reactive. Phone a friend and ask them to listen. Allow yourself to feel all the feels. Give yourself a chance to recover. Try to stem the non-helpful ruminations and soothe the small person inside who is hurt.

I just finished “Atlas of the Heart” by Brene Brown and highly recommend it. You can find the book here: Atlas of the Heart.

Get it.

Read it.

Give yourself new words for familiar feelings, she has identified 87 emotions!

You are enough.

You always were.

You always will be.

Always on your side,

Indrani