August 15, 2022
Letting people love us as hard as we love them.
This one is hard.
Let’s just start here, shall we?
I only have the female perspective, that too, a female who started off life with severe and relentless abuse.
My first impression of love is warped.
I received conditional love.
When I decided to end abuse for my kids, I decided to love them unconditionally.
This does not mean that I don’t get my feelings hurt. It does mean that my feelings are my business and I can be a grown up and talk things over with the people I say I love.
This ain’t easy.
When I choose to be open and vulnerable, my people can make things worse if they feel attacked. I can preface my thoughts by saying, let’s be open and kind.
I do not want love from my people that involves them walking on egg shells when I am around. I have lived that life. It sucks.
When we allow others to love us deeply, we also allow ourselves to engage in hard dialogues when called to do so.
This is most definitely a practice.
Please don’t start this practice with the most difficult person in your life.
Start with a trusted friend.
When you finally take the chance, lay out rules of engagement; no cursing, no yelling, no name calling. As soon as any of those behaviors begin, leave the room.
And by the way, never start a hard conversation in an enclosed space like a car or a hotel room.
Be sure you have a safe and easy exit when you choose to step into hard things.
Remember to love yourself as easily as you love others.
Always on your side,
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