Happy New Year!

Do you have an air conditioner???

Years ago, a divorced friend of mine agreed that her son could spend a week with his father.

She had full custody. The son did not want to go, but the mom thought it would be good for her son to keep them connected.

The only thing the mom asked was, “Do you have an air conditioner?” The young boy was very susceptible to heat.

The father said, “Yes!”

The son went.

The son called the next day complaining that it was very hot, and he felt ill.

The mom called the father.

Yes, indeed, he did have an air conditioner. It was a window unit. It was NOT working! It was in the closet.

She never asked IF the air conditioner worked. Or even if it was installed.

The mom realized that he was the same man who lied to her all through her marriage.

She brought her son home early.

This story always made me smile.

It makes me smile because of the specificity of the lie.

Did he mean to lie?

I would say Yes.  He would say he meant to fix it and got busy.

When we ask for something, we must know what result we want. We must be specific.

If we say, “Do you promise to not hit me again?

Do we mean:

Ever?

When you’re not drunk?

When your mother is not visiting?

When the sun shines?

It really does matter the life you are trying to create.

To know what you want, you must be very clear with what you do not want.

If you are accepting lies to the same old questions, please take a moment to decide what you want in 2020 and craft a different question.

In this case, the question would be as follows; “Do you have a WORKING air conditioner and is it installed, and do you have the money to pay for the additional electricity for 24 hours times 7 days?”

The liar can still lie, but you will know that you were clear.

What kind of question do you need to ask yourself about abuse that you are still accepting?

I would start with, “Do I love myself more than I think I love him?”

In some cases it’s not that simple.

In many cases it is.

Make the case to love yourself.

Always on your side,

Indrani

 

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